Today

Thanks for all the comments on my emo post!!

I don't think that middle school and high school deserve an entire post of their own. Well. High school probably does for entirely different reasons, but that's for another day and maybe isn't stuff that I want strewn across a public blog....but I digress. ;)

It took me a long time to find beauty in myself. I used to spend so much time obsessing over trying to make my hair look thin and straight like the "popular" girls and I learned as I got older that people would kill to have a mane of thick voluminous hair that does anything I tell it to (except be flat and lifeless ;) ) I used to obsess over (sorry if TMI!) why my bra cups never runneth over, or even filled out and now I see that, not only do mine make me look 20 lbs thinner, I can wear shirts as low cut as I want without it being pornographic. I am one of the heaviest girls I know, but I can slap on a pair of spanx, a cute dress and some makeup and flaunt it with the skinniest of them and still believe that I look as good as they do and wonder how well they could flaunt it at 200 lbs. I think that's what confidence as a woman is all about; accepting who you are in your own skin no matter what size or shape you are and the fact that you can be JUST AS BEAUTIFUL as someone half your size (if not moreso.)

I've come a LONG way from that sad 10 y/o girl, but I honestly think that it's all about your attitude. I wouldn't be the person I am today if it wasn't for where I'd come from so I wouldn't change a thing in that sense, for myself. But I think that the tools I've learned to find confidence in myself, or to find the light in the darkness as Nelson so eloquently put it, are things that you can learn at any age and I aim to go out there and uplift girls who need that boost. I've been thinking a lot about motivational speaking lately and how I could get started on a program for pre-teens and teens....I am looking into degree programs online (no universities 'round here) that could combine youth ministry with counseling and so on and I'm thinking of how all these things could combine to make a difference.

I just want every girl to know that they are beautiful and deserving of love and friendship and so much more. On top of that I'd like to have some kind of an education program for...would you call it bullying? I don't know that I was neccessarily bullied. I don't know. I'm going to do some reasearch into existing programs, if they're out there, and find out how to bring them to Moranbah and the surrounding rural areas and what kind of work and costs that would entail in the long run of things. Programs take years and years to build up, so if there's something out there with materials and media already set then I could easily figure out how to implement them locally.

Anyways, long story short is that I've lived an awesome life. I have a better relationship with my parents than absolutely anyone I know and I cherish that even more now that they're so far away. I have a charming, handsome, gentleman of a husband the likes of which they write Romantic Comedies about and dear friends for whom I would give my life in a heartbeat. I couldn't ask for more in life and, even though it's hard being far away, I'm genuinely happy with the way things have panned out so don't feel sorry for me. ;)
_____________________________

I went to play Mahjong with Debra and some of her friends today. It was a fun game, I'd never played before! It's nice to get out of the house and have conversations with people, although I do wish I could meet more people round my own age. All anyone my age seems interested in doing per extracurricular activities is going to the pub and getting drunk. They feel like that's "all there is to do" and they're mostly right, but I'm just not interested in that kind of lifestyle at all. It's SO hard on your body when all you do is get drunk on the weekends and most of the time all I want to do is hang out and catch up anyways. Sure it's not a big deal to do it over a bottle of wine or even two, throw a board game into the mix and you've got a party. ;) But I'm really just not into pubs with heaps and heaps of "old guys" gawking at you and it's so LOUD....Moranbah tends to be a bit cliquey as well, and I'm just not interested in bowing down to the "queens" of Moranbah. Get OVER yourselves ladies, how sad that your goal in life is still to be "coolest." ::barf:: I honestly don't know how to distinguish them much from the Mean Girls in 5th grade, go figure.

What do y'all think about me starting an Ellen fan club? I think it could be cool. :) I just watch Ellen everyday by myself and it would be so much fun to have anyone over for coffee and just watch together and laugh and cry together....I just don't know if that seems like something anyone would want to do. I guess it would be weird having perfect strangers in my house....maybe I'll see if my friends like Ellen and if they want to watch with me. :) They all have babies/small children though so I am always afraid to invite them over because I don't know how hard it is to pile your kids in the car and go to visit a house where there isn't also other kids and toys and things. Any thoughts are welcome!

That's all I have to say for now. Beebs is home soon and we're having a bit of a date night tonight. We're thinking grilling up some meat and having a few drinks sounds nice and relaxing. :) He's had a big week so it'd be nice for him to be able to kick back.

Love y'all tons! Start a blog please, I really will read and comment every day. You can ask the people whose blogs I already follow. :)